The Strangest Conversation
by Astrid M. Blackcoat
Summary: Mildly femmeslashy HermioneMillicent, but nothing graphic. Features books, amusement, alcohol, snogging, baked beans, and insanity.
1. Books, threats and Conversations

The Strangest Conversation

-----

Mildly femmeslashy Hermione/Millicent, but nothing graphic. This chapter features: Sarcastic!Smart!Millicent, Curious!Musician!Hermione, threats, antisocialism, epiphanies and serious discussion.

I LOVE MILLICENT BULSTRODE! Well, my version of her. I can write her however I dang well please, because she's never really discussed. Hurrah.

PG-13 because of several cusswords, alcohol and many slashy sexual references. Don't like? Don't read, fool. You've now been officially warned. Could be R. I think it's too mild for R, personally. But if you think so, don't hesitate to say.

DISCLAIMER: I wish I owned the Harry Potter world. Unfortunately, all I own is a USB key, a handbag, a few CDs, a stack of books and a pair of fingerless gloves. Damn. All hail J. K Rowling.

Chapter One

Hermione was surprised to see Millicent Bulstrode in the library at all. She was far more surprised to see her reading.

She stood in the doorway of the reading room, staring at Millicent, who was seated in a pile of cushions in the corner, ignoring the rain beating against the window, rapt in a large book.

'Is there something you want?' she asked, not looking up.

'Not particularly,' said Hermione. 'What about you?'

'I'm reading,' said Millicent, eyes still glued to the page. 'Or couldn't you tell?' she added sarcastically. 'What do you want?'

'I was after some quiet reading time,' said Hermione, stepping into the room and sitting amongst the cushions in the corner opposite Millicent.

'Gryffindors too boisterous for you this evening?' said Millicent.

'A little,' said Hermione. 'Lavender and Parvati are hogging the dorm, and Ron's being a git. Though I suppose you're used to gits?'

'Well, Malfoy's always a bastard, but, as you said, you get used to it eventually,' said Millicent, turning a page.

'I suppose.' Hermione paused. 'Since when do you read?'

'Since they taught me how to,' said Millicent, scowling.

'It's just... I didn't think...'

'That I might have had a brain at all?' snapped Millicent tersely. 'Oh, yes, of course. Look at the big ugly fat girl, she must be stupid. Honestly, Granger. I expected better from a mind of your calibre.'

'Sorry,' said Hermione, chastened. 'I didn't mean...'

'It's alright,' interrupted Millicent. 'I'm used to it.'

'No, really,' insisted Hermione. 'I'm sorry. I'm just so used to referring to Slytherins as awful, bullying, bigheaded idiots that the though of one sitting in this room reading a thick book seems rather surreal.'

'Don't worry, you won't find many other Slytherins in the library. Pansy's a bimbo, Blaise is a himbo, Draco's to grand for libraries and Crabbe and Goyle, well... need I say more?'

The girls chuckled depricatingly. After a moment they stopped, and looked at each other somewhat warily. The rain got louder outside.

'I'm sure you'll enjoy your quiet evening reading,' said Millicent. The unspoken 'somewhere else' hung in the stillness.

'I have a feeling you want me to leave,' said Hermione.

'I'm not exactly yearning for your presence, no,' said Millicent, smirking.

'Are you lonely?' asked Hermione impulsively.

'What would it have to do with you if I was?' replied Millicent harshly.

'I think you could use some company,' said Hermione, shrugging.

In one startling movement, Millicent closed her book and grabbed the front of Hermione's robes.

'Look, Granger, I'm not as stupid as I look. I've got enough smarts to brew up a potion or two that could be **very** persuasive. I could get all the 'company' I want, so to speak, if I wanted it.'

There was a moment of silence as the two girls stared at each other. Millicent snorted derisively and pushed Hermione back. 'I prefer my own company.'

Once more there was silence, apart from the steadily worsening rain outside.

'Why?' Hermione asked softly.

'Why do you give a damn?' shot back Millicent, picking up her book.

'You know, I'm not sure,' said Hermione. 'But all of a sudden I do.'

'You've gone utterly mad,' said Millicent.

'Me?' said Hermione, incredulous. 'I turn up at the library, expecting to find my reading room empty and quiet for me to spend the night in, only to find you here. We begin having a civil conversation, odd enough in itself, which you cut off abruptly by yanking me forward and glaring at me. And you claim *I've* gone mad?'

'*Your* reading room? It's mine! I'm in here almost every second night, I've got a blanket, pillow, food and some drinks hidden behind the bottom shelf on the right, and you claim it's yours?'

'So have I,' said Hermione softly. ' My things are on the left. My favourite books are-'

'On the right shelf, third down,' finished Millicent, gazing curiously at Hermione. She narrowed her eyes. 'Madam Pince told me-'

'You could use the room whenever you need to?' said Hermione. 'I have a feeling Madam Pince knows more than she lets on.'

The girls flopped back against the shelves, baffled.

'You perplex me,' said Millicent.

'You surprise me,' said Hermione.

'How do I surprise you?' asked Millicent.

'Millicent Bulstrode, Slytherin thug, a girl who has, in the past, beaten me up twice and physically restrained me once, is sitting in my reading room, reading a large book. How do you think?'

'So, everything about me surprises you?' Millicent smiled a smug little smile.

'Pretty much.'

'So, Granger,' said Millicent. 'I've surprised you. Surprise me. What dirty little secrets do you have that nobody knows?'

'Music,' said Hermione. 'I love music. Even Harry and Ron don't know that.'

'I bet you play the guitar,' said Millicent. 'I bet you once snuck a radio out to Hogsmeade and spent the day listening to it.'

Hermione looked at Millicent sharply. 'How did you find out?'

Millicent grinned. 'I play bass guitar for a Muggle band, and I spent last summer working in-'

'A record store?' finished Hermione. The two girls smiled at each other, a curious smile, almost of reconciliation.

Again there was silence; but a warm silence, born of having said everything necessary, rather than one of not knowing what to say.

'So we're pretty much the same person, but on different sides?' said Millicent.

'It would seem so,' conceded Hermione. 'Why are you in Slytherin?' she asked suddenly.

'Family expectations, friends. Personal expectations. Why aren't you in Ravenclaw?'

'I could ask the same of you.'

'No you couldn't!' exploded Millicent. 'Bloody Gryffindors, always painting Slytherin as bad. We're not all awful, you know. We're just as smart as you, if not smarter!'

'I never said that,' said Hermione. 'What I'm saying is, you're clever enough to be a Ravenclaw. Why aren't you one?'

'Because I was always told Slytherin was the only decent house. You didn't have that pressure. What about you? Why Gryffindor?'

'Harry,' said Hermione, blushing slightly. 'I wanted to meet him, find out everything about him. I know his father was Gryffindor, so the odds were on Gryffindor.'

'You're serious?' Millicent laughed incredulously. 'You staked your social life for seven years on a guess and an interest?'

'Yes,' said Hermione simply.

'I would have done the same,' said Millicent.

They shared a grin.

END

Did you enjoy that? If you did, the review button's just a click away… if you intend to flame me, ask yourself- why? I did warn you.


	2. Sexual Preference, Alcohol and Snogging

The Strangest Conversation

Mildly femmeslashy Hermione/Millicent, but nothing graphic. This chapter features: lesbian!insane!Hermione, lesbian!amused!Millicent, discussions of sexual preference, overt sexual references, insanity, conspiracy theories, mention of nudity, Ginny Weasley's lack of breasts, vodka, hangovers, baked beans, apple juice, and snogging. AKA- A lot.

I LOVE MILLICENT BULSTRODE! Well, my version of her. I can write her however I dang well please, because she's never really discussed. Hurrah.

PG-13 because of several cusswords, alcohol and many slashy sexual references. Don't like? Don't read, fool. Could be R. I think it's too mild for R, personally. But if you think so, don't hesitate to say.

DISCLAIMER: I wish I owned the Harry Potter world. Unfortunately, all I own is a USB key, a handbag, a few CDs, a stack of books and a pair of fingerless gloves. Damn. All hail J. K Rowling.

Chapter Two

'So,' said Millicent. 'As we've already ruined our reputations by having a decent conversation… anything else you want to spill?'

'I think Harry's gay,' said Hermione seriously. 'I'd swear Parvati and Lavender are doing more than giggling under the bedclothes at night, I think Oliver Wood paid a little too much attention to his broomstick, I think Dean and Seamus fancy each other…'

'So basically, you think everyone in Gryffindor is gay?' said Millicent.

'Not just in Gryffindor,' said Hermione brightly. 'The Hufflepuffs all seem too friendly to refuse someone on the basis of gender… we all know about Rowena Ravenclaw's preferences… and the Slytherins, well, there's a whole different kettle of fish altogether.'

'The Slytherins?' Millicent grinned. 'What about them?'

Hermione, oblivious to Millicent's grin, continued. 'Well, **Malfoy's** tastes definitely deviate from the norm. Blaise is girly in the extreme, I've got my doubts about Pansy, did you see the way she was ogling Cho last week? And Crabbe and Goyle seem **way** to close for comfort…'

'And me?' Millicent raised an eyebrow, amused. Hermione stopped mid-breath. She paused. 'You?' she said uncertainly. 'Er… I'm not sure. Do I want to know?'

'Do I want to tell you? That, my friend, is the question you should be asking.'

There was another pause. **'Do you want to tell me?'**

'No,' said Millicent shortly.

'Oh, so that's how it goes…' Hermione said knowingly.

'No, not really,' said Millicent. 'Anyway… why do you want to know?'

'Because I'm an inquisitive little bitch who wants to know more than is good for her,' said Hermione, straight-faced.

'True… however, I fail to see how it's your business.'

'Oh, it isn't. That doesn't affect my curiosity.' Hermione smiled, a cheeky, irremovable smile that truly infuriated Millicent. 'Tell me anyway.'

'Gender is irrelevant,' Millicent sighed.

'That's a total lie and you know it…' Hermione said in a sing-song voice.

'Alright! I fancy girls. Happy now?'

'Extremely.' Hermione smiled again, and scrunched up her nose. 'Now that I've gained access to your deepest secrets, I'll leave you in peace…'

'Hey!' Millicent said, scowling. 'What about you?'

'Boys are boring,' said Hermione. 'Ron's sweet, but he's so… so…' Hermione trailed off.

'Dull?' said Millicent. 'Predictable? **Male**?'

'All of the above,' said Hermione, nodding. 'Now shall I leave? You seemed pretty enthusiastic about the idea earlier.'

'And you seemed adamant that you should stay,' retorted the bigger girl. 'So you stayed and we ended up having a decent conversation, scary enough on its own, and revealing things about each other that our best friends probably don't know. Now I ask for company and all you want to do is leave. Is this a Gryffindor conspiracy?' Millicent narrowed her eyes.

'Yes!' Hermione cried dramatically. 'They sent me to get information on your sexual preferences for the war effort. They want to get someone to seduce you, and it was a toss-up between Mad-Eye Moody and Rita Skeeter, so they sent me to find out!'

'You're completely barking, and I'm not a Death Eater,' said Millicent tiredly. 'Are you this insane around your little Gryffindor friends?'

'No,' said Hermione. 'I tried to be a little more wild in third year, but Harry and Ron freaked out, so I toned it down. I'm only weird around Ginny.'

'The redhead? I wouldn't have thought she was your style.'

'She's not,' said Hermione, rolling her eyes. 'Ron would have killed me. Besides, I've seen her undressed, and there's nothing to look at- yet.'

'Oh, I can see the Prophet headlines now- Wild Debauchery In The Gryffindor Dorms! Prefect Involved In Naked Romp Through Hogwarts!' Millicent said, eyebrows wiggling.

'Hardly,' said Hermione. 'We shared a room at the Weasley's.'

'I'm teasing, you fool! It's still funny. Think about it.' For a moment, the two girls thought in silence. They erupted into uncontrollable giggles.

'This is strange,' said Millicent suddenly. 'Less than an hour ago I thought I hated you, and now we're laughing at the though of you and Ginny Weasley romping naked through Hogwarts… not a bad thought, on the whole…'

Hermione punched her on the arm. 'I know it's strange, but is it a **bad** strange?'

'No,' said Millicent thoughtfully. 'No, it isn't.' They sat in silence for a moment, thinking.

'We should do this again,' said Hermione, decisively.

'Definitely,' said Millicent.

'Harry and Ron will want to kill me if they found out,' said Hermione sadly.

'Pansy would think I'd gone mad,' said Millicent. Hermione looked at her strangely. 'What? She's not that bad. And you were right, by the way. She does fancy girls. And boys- what am I saying, Pansy'll shag anything that moves.'

'Even you?' said Hermione slyly.

'Just the once,' mumbled Millicent, colouring.

Hermione laughed incredulously. 'Seriously? **You** bedded Pansy Parkinson?'

'No!' Millicent snapped. 'She bedded me… stop sniggering.'

'That's it,' said Hermione, shaking her head. 'We need to get drunk.'

'Why?' asked Millicent, cocking her head to the side.

'Why not?' said Hermione, waving her hands in a manner reminiscent of Jack Sparrow.

'I see… what alcoholic beverages have you got stashed away?'

'Gin or Vodka,' Hermione said, 'From Krum.'

'Vodka, if you would,' said Millicent. Hermione turned, pulled out her wand and waved it at the bottom shelf, saying 'Alohamora!' It sprung out like a drawer, revealing a blanket, a pillow, several tins, a tin opener, a small glass, and several bottles. Hermione flicked through the bottles, before pulling out a bottle of clear liquid. She also removed the glass, and shut the drawer. 'I'm afraid I only have the one glass.'

'Just a moment,' said Millicent, turning. She performed the same procedure. She took a glass from her drawer, and shut it. Hermione unscrewed the cap of the bottle and poured them each half a glass. 'Bottoms up,' she shrugged. They clinked glasses, and drank.

Outside, the rain worsened.

~The Next Morning~

The sunlight, still soggy from the previous night's torrential rain, snuck in through the reading room window, prodding the two hungover girls on the pillows into consciousness.

'Ohhh,' groaned Millicent, clutching her head. 'Head. Pain. Argh.'

'Absolutely,' moaned Hermione from under a pillow. 'Does it have to be morning?'

'At least it's a Sunday,' said Millicent, flopping backwards onto the pillows.

'God bless Sundays,' said Hermione groggily.

'I second that.'

They fell asleep again.

~An Hour Later~

Hermione and Millicent sat in the cushions, eating baked beans and drinking apple juice. 'Wow, we got drunk,' said Millicent.

'Oh, yes indeed.'

'That's extremely good vodka,' Millicent noted, picking up the empty bottle. 'Smirnoff.'

'The best,' said Hermione, staring at her now empty bowl.

There was silence.

'Oh, Christ…' said Millicent, sagging. 'We snogged, didn't we?'

'I hate that word, but yes, we kissed,' said Hermione.

'We didn't just **kiss, Hermione, we made out,' wailed Millicent.**

'I'm fully aware of what happened,' said Hermione. 'I feel the sudden urge to beat my head against the wall.'

There was silence.

'So… what now?' said Millicent.

'I don't know,' said Hermione.

There was silence. Millicent finished her baked beans and took out her wand. **Scourgify!' she said, and the sauce vanished. She put the bowls back into the drawer.**

'Oh, sod it,' said Hermione, launching herself forward and locking lips with the larger girl.

After a minute or so of frantic kissing, they came up for air. 'Wow,' said Millicent softly.

'It's better when we're not drunk,' said Hermione thoughtfully.

There was silence.

'So… what now?' said Millicent.

'I'm still hungry,' said Hermione. 'Let's go to breakfast.'

'Together? But… what about your friends?' said Millicent, allowing Hermione to drag her from the room by the arm.

'Stuff them!'

From her desk, Irma Pince watched the two young witches leave the library. She chuckled.

END


End file.
